#16 Jamaica IS the House!

In 2010 I had agreed to go to a track meet with my ex-husband - an out of town track meet. In fact in the past, track had played an important role in our relationship. I was introduced to him by my father when I had visited for a summer vacation back in the 70's. He was my track work-out partner. And then 20 something years later, when my daughter was in high school on the track team, I ran into him at a track meet. He was coaching track and I was a volunteer coach for the boy's shot put. He asked me that day what I was doing for my birthday which was several months away and asked if he could take me out for my birthday and if I would join him for his, the month after mine. We had know each other as friends, double digits ago and I had no problem with the arrangements. A year later we would marry against my father's wishes. It was my second marriage and his first at the age of 48.

Track was our mutual love. So even though we were divorced by 2010 we had managed to return to our friendship, that should have stayed a friendship. I had not a tempted bone in my body and didn't think for a moment that it would have been a problem to go to the Penn Relays in Philadelphia in 2011. So I got on a plane and met my ex in Pennsylvania. Keep in mind I was still in "love" with Mr. Dreams (see #13 Dreaming of Love) . We were still talking everyday 2 to 3 times a day since March and the Relays were in April that year. I was not surprised when my ex showed up to the airport with roses and a box of Godiva chocolates. He was almost predictable that way and I was not moved by the gesture. First, I still remembered the mental abuse I had encountered with this person. And second, he always had a robotic, non-romantic way of doing things like following textbook instructions with no emotions available. Yes, once I was blinded by the gestures of flowers and chocolates but that was over 10 years ago when I didn't know any better, not anymore.

As we reverted back to our friendship, it was stress free. There we were enjoying Philly Cheese Steaks at a legit Philly Diner! It really was fun. But nothing prepared us for the greatest treat of all. Little did we know but the whole island of Jamaica along with every Jamaican that now lived in the U.S. had turned out for the Penn Relays. Everywhere we went we heard the unmistakable Jamaican accent. It was soooo cool. It was like being in Jamaica not Pennsylvania. Suddenly, we had traveled out of the country instead of within the country!! And when we were at the track meet - Jamaica was everywhere!!! I loved it! There I was in my locks looking the part as long as I kept my mouth shut. Unfortunately I was also missing my green and yellow attire that everyone seemed to have been wearing. Had I known, I would have worn something to represent and not have stuck out like a sore thumb. And when Jamaica won 1st place in the USA  vs. The World Men 4x100 (3rd time in 4 years) the stadium erupted into a frenzy!!! When I looked around I could not have been convinced that anyone was still on the island, they all had to have been at the meet!

I had made the right decision. We had come together to enjoy something that we once had bonded over. No incidents, just pure friendship. I even agreed to future track meets as long as it worked out with my future social life. That was always our deal. If we weren't in a relationship, we agreed to meet for another special occasion as friends without benefits. He did however asked me to marry him again, but I declined. I knew that a good friendship was always better than a bad marriage. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

To Be Continued...

The Penn Relays 2011

   

#15 Oh Hail! No!

It was April of 2011 and I was not prepared for the strange weather that was about to hit the southern and eastern regions. Everyday that I woke up I immediately turned on the TV to find out what time the storms were predicted to hit. Many times I planned my showers and meals around the storms. There's nothing like wanting to eat and suddenly the power is off, or wanting to take a shower and there's an electrical storm. It was during this season that I learned that I wasn't afraid to be in the house alone. But I have to admit there were some close calls.

One of the unusual things about my dreams are that I can have a dream within a dream. One where you think you've awaken from a dream only to realize later that you are still dreaming. Well, that's what had happen one night. The unfortunately part about my dreams within a dream is that they usually seemed like normal everyday moments until something happens to awaken you to the next dream. I was in the bed as a storm was happening when suddenly the roof caved in above me. I awaken to see the sky through the roof and pieces of ceiling on the floor next to the bed. Frightened I rolled out of bed and hit the floor on the other side and started gathering things that I thought I needed to get out of the room before the rest of the roof collapsed. That's when I really woke up to the sound of pine cones hitting the roof of the house (for real). Needless to say I was a little shaken especially since I could hear things hitting the roof after having such a dream.

Then there was the time that hail the size of golf balls hit the house. I must say I was a little shaken over this one too. I was on the phone with Mr. Dreams (see #13 & #14) when it hit! He prayed with me while the storm hit. There I was in the bathroom with all of my emergency supplies as I listened to huge chunks of ice pounding on the roof. Once the storm had passed, I went outside to collect the largest hail I had ever seen. Sure, some have seen softball size hail, but this was big enough for me. I later learned that tornadoes had touched down in my area as well. And then there was the falling tree. One of the huge trees that stood in the front yard was hollow. Of course I didn't find that out until it fell on the power lines in the front yard during one of the storms. Previously, branches had chunked off and I could hear them crackle and fall, hoping for them to not hit the house. But eventually, that did finally happen. Fortunately it did not damage the house, except for the gutter!

I remember thinking that this was not what the weather was suppose to be like down south. But then again, the weather was not suppose to be like that in many parts of the country. Earthquakes were reported in Virginia, New York, New Jersey, Washington, D.C., and North Carolina.  In addition, 289 tornadoes were reported in 15 states over the course of 3 days. It was ranked as one of the largest tornado outbreaks in history. Truly it was to become a year of strange events, even personally, since I had agreed to go to a track meet in Philadelphia with my ex-husband. As stated in #1 2010 It Begins, I was once again friends with my ex and had decided that he understood that we could be friends (without benefits) and meet in Pennsylvania for the Penn Relays. Hopefully it would be a good trip with no incidents. Right?

To Be Continued...

Hail next to a quarter

The tree branch that hit the house

#14 Mr. Dreams aka Mr. Honey Badger

There I was on the phone with, I will call him for now,  Mr. Dreams. The persistence of Mr. Dreams was remarkable. It was as if he already knew about the dreams and just wanted me to admit to them. Before we got off the phone he had successfully gotten out of me the fact that I had had dreams with him in them. He also had managed an exchange of email addresses. It wasn't even 30 minutes after ending the phone call when I checked my email and found that I had one from him thanking me for the great conversation. For the record I was quite vague as to what the dreams were. Unfortunately, Mr. Dreams was on a mission to get details and so he continued to contact me to honey badger it out of me.

And oh, he did get me to talk, but not all at once. I held my own too. But bit by bit I revealed all the details of the dreams, which could easily have been interpreted the wrong way. This did not satisfy his curiosity. Now he wanted to know why I had had the dreams. Like I knew! I remember speaking to the Lord asking him why I had had not one, but two dreams with this man in them? After asking question after question, day after day, I found that I did have an interest in Mr. Honey Badger. In fact, because of our many conversations, I was able to find a new church home in my area that propelled my walk with the Lord. But there was still a nagging as to why I had had the dreams and why two? It was normal for me to contact people who randomly showed up in my dreams. But no, I don't always tell them I had a dream about them and rarely do I tell them the dream unless it feels comfortable to. But this situation was different. It was more intense and I had found myself in a quandary as to what to do about it.

Days turned into months, and finally months turned into a year. I purposely didn't call him when we communicated so that I would at least know that it was his desire to talk. I had become spoiled waiting for my morning, afternoon, and evening calls. He had been the first voice I had heard in the mornings and the last one before I had fallen asleep. I think we must have been speaking everyday for 10 months before we had a break in communications which finally led to weekly calls. But what I found out to my knowledge was that the embrace of love that I had experienced in the first dream (see #13 Dreaming of Love), ended up being the church home that I had found through him. It may have been almost a year before I finally realized that. In my mind, I just knew that it had to be something special between me and Mr. Dreams (aka Mr. Honey Badger) but he never gave me that permission that was granted in dream #2 to come on in (see #13 Dreaming of Love). If there was ever meant to be anything more between us, I would never know. The good news was that at least he lived in another state and I didn't have to deal with him face to face. At least I did have my new church home, and a new found friend in him.

I don't think he ever came to grips with the fact that I had fallen for him through a dream. But like I had told him, the dream had started the interest, but he had perpetuated it through our conversations. Yes, within the year that we had communicated, I had shared my interest in him. However, he never could get his head wrapped around why I would have liked him like that, especially since I had not felt anything personal for him before. All I have to say to that is, if anyone had felt the love shared like it was in my dream, they would have been in love too. Fortunately, in the end I was in love, but it was more in love with the Lord.

To Be Continued...

Bring me a dream!
by JaMax

Honey Badgers don't quit!
from http://www.eversostrange.com/2011/09/17/261/

#13 Dreaming of Love

Well, it had been 5 months and I was starting to learn how to be at one with one, me. At the time, my mom was recovering from surgery in rehab. She was finally alert too, so I went back to Tennessee to recover my own self. Since I was limited on money I had to find ways to be my own, cheap date. Then it occurred to me, Red Box! For the first time since my move I decided to rent a movie. A dollar wasn't too much to spend for 2 hours of entertainment. As I continued to be my own best friend, I started doing things like, going on artist's dates. Something that was an activity out of a book I had purchased many years ago, The Artist's Way. Since then, I've always tried to use it at various times of my life to make progress in the areas of art and life.

Back in 1993, I had a dream that changed my life up to this date. I dreamt about artwork that I had made in the dream and when I woke up I tried to recreate the art that I had seen. (See "The First Piece" http://clothsculptures.blogspot.com/2011/02/first-piece.html ) Painting, music, dance, photography, theater, and writing had all been important to me while growing up. All one had to do was look at my old high school year books and the evidence was there. Sports was also important to me. My father who was a P.E. professor at a state college while I was growing up was also a college football coach. But because of my parent's divorce, I grew up in Upstate New York while he was in California. I had always joked with my mother that if I had been a boy I would have played football. So I did the next best thing, I participated in sports, period. Over my high school years I played volleyball and track, plus I threw in a little choreography for the gymnastics team and even became a basketball cheerleader one year. I may have even been the first black cheerleader at my school, but don't quote me on that. But I digress, back to the events of 2011. Because of my love of art, part of my new environment needed to reflect that especially since I was still creating cloth sculptures. So, I turned one of the rooms into a den/studio.

It was on March 30, 2011 that I had 2 dreams that made a ripple in my world again. The first one was about an embrace while watching TV. The person was hugging me from behind as we lay stretched out on a couch. There was a closeness, a warmth, a comfort enveloping me. It had the same feeling I get when I've entered into high praise and worship, the very glow of God surrounding me. What a powerful feeling! I still have it as if it were a memory, my mind not recognizing it as a dream but as a waking memory to be recalled upon and relived. I woke up reflecting on the dream and not much later, I fell back to sleep and had a second dream with the same person who had hugged me in the first dream. In the second dream, the person was in pain and I helped him. But I remember very clearly that I had to ask him if I could enter the room where he was at in order to help. When I awoke from the second dream. Three things were important here, #1 I had never awakened from a dream and had the same person in the next dream, #2 the experiences in the dreams were as if they were real not like regular dreams vague and sketchy, and #3 I knew the person in my dreams. It was someone I had not spoken to or seen in over 10 years.

The other thing about this person was, it was someone that I had never dated before. I had never so much as had more than a side church-like hug from this person. I had first met him about 30 years ago and saw him from time to time out in the community. My thoughts were, why would someone I knew only slightly and had never meditated on, be in a dream of mine in such a personal way? And why would he be in two dreams in one night? I found a way to contact him since my normal practice was to contact people when they randomly appeared in my dreams. I also always wanted to check on their physically and spiritually well-being. Thankfully he was doing well. He had however, experienced a major surgery within the last 3 months but he was doing well. But he couldn't get over why all of a sudden out of the blue I had sought him out. Prior we had never spoken over the phone before. Up till then all there was, were 5 minute updates on how we were doing since the last we had run into each other in a parking lot or hallway. And he kept on being persistent, pressing the issue of why all of a sudden did I contact him? But I was embarrassed. I didn't want to tell him, "Hey, you were in my dream and we were in love!"

To Be Continued...

2 as 1 - Unique Cloth Sculpture by JaMax

The Sun, The Son - Unique Cloth Sculpture by JaMax  

#12 Busted!

Since my arrival, my mother's health had been pretty good. Even though she was no longer in remission, she kept our attitudes up instead of us needing to help keep her spirits raised. It was in the afternoon in March 2011, when I got the call that my mother was being admitted into the hospital. I packed light and was in the car scheduled to be there by 8:00pm. That was the beauty of being 4 hours away in Tennessee verses living in California, so very far away. But before I could get there I received another call which informed me she was going in for emergency surgery. It was then that I put the pedal to the metal to get there before they would be taking her away. I wanted to see her before she went in for surgery. As they always say, no surgery is without risk.

Because my mom had bone cancer, they needed to make sure her blood numbers were up. There was also concerns about clotting. But her numbers weren't up and she needed blood and platelets to even go into surgery. And then there was the reason for the surgery, her intestine had burst and toxins were slowly leaking into her system. A system that was already compromised by the cancer. Even without the cancer the toxins entering into her body was enough to kill her. When I ran into her room, I found her still there waiting for more blood. I had gotten to see my mom! When asked by my brother, I had thought it was best to advise him to fly in to be at the hospital at least by the time she was due out of surgery. The only time I left the hospital was to pick him up.

When we arrived from the airport, she was still in surgery. As we waited in the family area with her husband, I watched a very strange episode of Bonanza. Bonanza had been a favorite of my grandfather's, my mom's dad. He had passed of lung cancer when I was still in high school. I still miss him. It seemed like forever waiting for the community phone to ring in the waiting area. But when they asked for us, we were pleased to know that she had made it out of the surgery successfully. Praise God! It was nice to be able to tell the pastor of her church and the visiting committee the good news when they arrived to lift us up in prayer.

If only the surgery would have been the worst part of this hospital stay. Little did we know it was after the surgery where all of our prayers would be focused. My mother's sleep apnea made it almost impossible for the doctors to agree as to when to take her off the breathing machine she had been placed on for the surgery. Was my mom going to die by respirator failure after coming this far battling cancer and a busted intestine? She was getting weaker and weaker as they refused to take her off the respirator. Finally she came to enough for us to explain what she needed to do to get off the breathing machine. She had to tell them it was her decision to come off the respirator. So per her decision, they did. It wasn't until much later, that we learned that my mother never even remembered coming out of surgery.

She was a week in intensive care and a week in rehab with no real memories. She vaguely remembered seeing flowers and asked if my brother really had come there. She had been consciously unconscious. She never even remembered the many guests that had come to visit her in the week that she was in intensive care at the hospital. So for her to ask to be off the respirator was indeed a miracle. When we told her what she did probably saved her life, she said, "So what did I say again?"

To Be Continued...

The flowers from her siblings- once she was out of intensive care.



The flowers I painted the day my mom got off the respirator!



#11 Freedom Fest

I had arrived in Tennessee in September so the first holiday was Thanksgiving, definitely a family time. My first Thanksgiving without my children wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, since I had decided to be at my mother's house.  The house in Tennessee was tore up from the floor up, literally. A father and son team had been working on tearing up the carpet and laying new hardwood floors. The possibility of them working in the house alone was not even an option, per the family.

As mentioned in a previous post, I was terribly lonely. This was the first time in 25 years, (aka a quarter of a century), that I was living by myself. Three months by myself had not kicked over into a "Freedom Fest" yet. To this day, relatives still laugh about me hopping in the car to attend a same day fish fry. I had driven 4 hours to eat fish at my family's house, when all I really wanted was an excuse to see people, mainly family. It was not a good combination of the house being in a mess and me not adjusting well to my new environment. I didn't know how to slow down or how to enjoy my new "as one" status. Before moving I needed to know what day of the week it was to know what activity I was to attend:

Monday - TAM leadership meeting (Theatrical Arts Ministry)
Tuesday - Possibly free or Video Training
Wednesday - Bible Study
Thursday - G12 (small personal church group meetings) - till it changed days to Friday
Friday - TAM meeting
Saturday - Video Shoots or TAM rehearsals
Sunday - AM & PM  church services which included working Video Ministry (live Internet streaming)

Now, all of those meetings and activities were gone. I remember once seeing an insurance story that spoke of the most stressful times in our lives. It went something like this: #1 Divorce/Breakup #2 Bereavement #3 Moving #4 Losing Job #5 Wedding Planning #6 Work #7 Kids/Family #8 Debt #9 Commuting #10 Pregnancy. Of course it's up to debate as to what should be on the list and at what number. But all I knew was that I could check off at least five to six of those items. And, unfortunately, an aunt whom I had visited while relocating to Tennessee passed that same year. She was the aunt that I had been named after, Aunt Jane. She was a lovely lady both inside as well as out.

It was December 2010, and I had driven to relatives to celebrate my first Christmas of the move. My mother had insisted that it was too bad of road conditions to drive her way, so I went to Kentucky instead. I ended up staying a whole week in December which had also included Christmas. But, days after Christmas I opted to go back to Tennessee to continue the house renovation. The father & son team had finished up literally a day before New Years Eve. This had given me the day before and the day of New Year's Eve to pull it back together again. Once I had gotten the furniture moved back into place, it actually looked like a real home, sweet, home. It was New Year's Eve, and what a joy it was to be able to have taken a nice warm shower in the newly painted and floored house. That night, I watched Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve and ran around the house naked, singing and dancing! It was something that I had never been able to do while my children lived with me.

Yes, I had finally realized the beauty of living by myself, I could run around the house naked and screaming if I wanted to! Wow! So I did finally put clothes on that night and called my children 3 hours before their New Years in CA. And I was happy, and they were happy because I was happy! I had finally made some progress and that was a good thing. There I was, I had managed to bring in 2011 with a smile! It was indeed a Happy New Year.  

To Be Continued...





Back Together Again! My Grandmother's Home



Martha Jane Holland Maxwell
6/10/1932 - 12/17/2010 

    

#10 Hit Hard

My driving was almost over. I went to Virginia to visit my mother and her husband. Imagine my surprise when I shared with my mother my mutant spider story (see #9) and she said, "Oh those are jumping spiders." Jump, I thought to myself, those ugly things jump? I'm so glad I didn't know that when I was trying to kill it, I would have been even more mortified. She also shared how they jumped at you and come out at night. So there I was with a new reason to sleep with the lights on. I had a lovely visit with my mother and even got to see my brother and his family who had come down from Pennsylvania. But soon it was time to go back and face the mutant jumping spiders.

After having 1 more face to face encounter with this beast of an insect, the exterminator was called upon to rid me of the frightfest.  After the contract guy  crawled under the house I was informed that the crawlspace was infested with camel crickets, aka cave crickets, spickets, spider crickets...the list goes on. I assumed the picture that he showed me on his cell phone was from the internet so that I could see what he was talking about. However, I almost fainted when he told me it was an actual picture he had taken while under the house. These things ate other bugs, each other, and even their own legs for food during desperate times. They also liked carpet, clothes, curtains, and furniture too. They left droppings as waste, had very bad eye sight, and jumped at their predators with their ugliness to ward them off. None of the pictures do any justice as to how ugly these things are in person.  My saving factor was they were pretty happy with the dark, cool, crawl space. Plus, there was also plenty of food down there with the population boom. Needless to say the exterminators got a contract that day and the spraying began soon afterwards. To this day, I am a personal friend of the man who rid me of these awful creatures and allowed me to stay in the home and sleep with the lights out.

While there for the first month, family came to visit to help make the house a little more livable. After the family had come down to clear the garage of old stuff, it was then that reality set in. The time had stood still long enough for me to realize that I was officially by myself. All boxes had been cleared and things put away before I realized that (real) crickets and the sound of my beating heart and breathing was all I ever heard. I was in a new environment without my children and the closest family member was 3 hours away. Empty Nest Syndrome had hit me hard, for I was willing to drive 3 to 4 hours just to be around family again. It was overwhelming for me. I wasn't employed yet and I had too much time on my hands, the loneliness was more than I could bear. The only human contact I had was when I was on the phone. I felt like Tom Hanks at times in the movie Cast Away. Except  my Wilson ball was a Barbie doll and even though she was my co-pilot (see #3) I really didn't talk to her.

Since the Trail of Tears situation (see #7 & #8), I found myself thinking about all my past failed relationships. That became the cream on top of the Empty Nest Syndrome. The perimenopausal was the cherry on top. I'll admit it now but back then I wanted no one to know that my definition of a good day was when I opened my eyes and didn't start my day by crying. There were two more factors at work against me, the 3 hour time difference and sleep apnea. Eventually, a saving factor became doing slight renovations on the house. I started painting it on the inside. Not only did I paint the living room and 3 bedrooms, but I was also joined by workers tearing out the 30 year old carpet and installing hardwood floors - people, real people! They were extremely slow workers, 2 of them, who worked sporadically from Thanksgiving lasting almost to New Years Eve. It's the only time I didn't care about the speed of a job. But I was slightly concerned about putting the house back together again, since everything had to be moved out of every room to lay the floors.

To Be Continued...




A camel cricket the actual size I faced.



Everything shoved together waiting to be put back again.