I want to go back to Day 2 of the drive. If it wasn't bad enough that I was weeping while listening to "Our Song" I happen to leave out that I was also getting phone calls and text messages from "Mr. Sweet 16" (see #2 The Two Week Pack) checking on how I was doing. He was concerned, as all my family was, about my safety driving cross country alone. He was genuinely a nice guy. A, he's married with two children and I'm celibate, nice guy. That's what I continued to tell myself to keep me from mentally falling off the wagon. The sad truth about falling off the celibacy wagon is, whenever in the past I had, the sex was never as sweet as I had imagined it. And of course, it was never, ever worth it. But back to the matter at hand. There I was getting these text messages:
Just think about it, our society is always thinking the grass is greener on the other side. But back when we were in high school, how could I not think that there weren't other experiences out there waiting for me. But you're probably wondering, what really went wrong back in the day between us? Long story short, he left me waiting for him. Waiting to come and see me, when I had come into his town for what was to be, a short visit. We had met when I was 16 while on a previous summer's vacation. After that, over the next two years we had communicated by mail and phone calls. But this particular visit I never got to see him. Long story short, my heart broke the day he never showed up. I was never the same. The young, giddy, love-sick girl was gone, never to be seen again. I vowed I'd never let anyone hurt me like that again. In fact, the almost regular letters that had spanned over the previous two years had suddenly stopped too. Until one day, months later, a letter came explaining what had happened the day he never showed up:
Well, I forgave him and we continued to write but I was never the same. Little did I know that love could be found at such a young age. By the time we had finished writing each other over the years, our letters had spanned a period of time from Aug.1979 - Oct. 1981. And as the years passed, I was always looking for that romantic side in others, that I had found in him. He had become the standard to judge all others by. What a shame since he was not the rule but the exception, even now as I read my text messages:
Tears ran down my face as I worked through the 2nd half of a bag of peanut M&M's, as fond thoughts of "The Bed" (see #4 In Love Again) kept me from mentally falling off the wagon. Next stop, Denver.
To Be Continued...
16: Just got home. I'm looking at a picture of you.
Me: 2+ sizes ago don't do it
16: Too late I'm looking at a beautiful smile and a face that radiates the essence of what beauty was meant to be.
Me: How did I let you go?
16: Don't know some think the grass is greener on the other side. I think if you water & nourish what you have and what makes you happy you will be the envy of the other side. But I guess that's why we have choices.
Just think about it, our society is always thinking the grass is greener on the other side. But back when we were in high school, how could I not think that there weren't other experiences out there waiting for me. But you're probably wondering, what really went wrong back in the day between us? Long story short, he left me waiting for him. Waiting to come and see me, when I had come into his town for what was to be, a short visit. We had met when I was 16 while on a previous summer's vacation. After that, over the next two years we had communicated by mail and phone calls. But this particular visit I never got to see him. Long story short, my heart broke the day he never showed up. I was never the same. The young, giddy, love-sick girl was gone, never to be seen again. I vowed I'd never let anyone hurt me like that again. In fact, the almost regular letters that had spanned over the previous two years had suddenly stopped too. Until one day, months later, a letter came explaining what had happened the day he never showed up:
When you called me I knew there was no way for me to see you but I wanted to so badly that I lied to you. So I thought that I could escape a little bit of pain by not writing you anymore. Instead of escaping pain I only felt more. Please forgive me, I made you feel some pain too & I'm very sorry. I love you from the bottom of my heart & I want you to love me that way too. And I know some day (hopefully soon) we can be together. I only hope I didn't wait too late to tell you this. Love Always...
Well, I forgave him and we continued to write but I was never the same. Little did I know that love could be found at such a young age. By the time we had finished writing each other over the years, our letters had spanned a period of time from Aug.1979 - Oct. 1981. And as the years passed, I was always looking for that romantic side in others, that I had found in him. He had become the standard to judge all others by. What a shame since he was not the rule but the exception, even now as I read my text messages:
16: Not to get too sentimental but if it were up to me I would have liked to have been apart of all your life's adventures. I know we would have had a great time :)
Tears ran down my face as I worked through the 2nd half of a bag of peanut M&M's, as fond thoughts of "The Bed" (see #4 In Love Again) kept me from mentally falling off the wagon. Next stop, Denver.
To Be Continued...
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| Wagon Food see #4 In Love Again |
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